Usually you're supposed to start things off with "the beginning." Well for me, I'm starting off with an "ending".
In the past 24 hours I've watched my life crumble into a million pieces. Nothing can change how a choice made by someone who means so much to me has changed me so quickly, and has scarred me for life. People get broken up with every day; The little fourth grader who thought having their first kiss at a school dance meant they were in love, the 7th grader who wasted two years of her life on some jerk that used her for sex when she should've never been having sex in the first place, the 10th grader who thought she finally found someone after being a slut and having sex under the boardwalk for her high school career. Well, those break-ups, they aren't anything. They aren't real. If you watch indie movies, the way they break up in them are real. The passion that is being shown is real. It's what a real break up is, cause usually the people who the movie is about are realistic characters you see every day.
There's Dakota Skye. She live in a small town, went out with some loser who cared about nothing but his band (no I'm not referencing this to anyone at all, I swear). So Dakota did have some unrealistic thing, but maybe there are some people out there who have it. She had the ability to tell when people were lying. Every time her and her boyfriend had sex, he would say "I love you", but what he didn't know was that Dakota knew he really was trying to say was, "I love sex." So, her boyfriend's friend came into town, he didn't lie to her once, and she fell in love. They had a secret thing going on, then he left. She eventually left her boyfriend to be with him. On her graduation day, she traveled cross country just to see him again, and to be with him. That's fucking love.
What I'm trying to say here is that a real break up is a big deal. I've been dating the same guy for two years. You could probably say longer then that considering we've been on and off before we officially started dating. The thing is, I'm in love with him. Fucking insanely crazy about him. He dumped me last night. All cause I went out by myself, got pissed cause he didn't answer me all night. So when he responds and asks what I'm doing, I tell him. So I went to the mall and movies alone. I told him what I saw, and he got mad because he wanted to see it. So I said replied with, "Fuck you. You're an idiot." And that is what ended everything.
There's apparently several reasons why we're no longer together. Firstly, he's sick of my bullshit. My bullshit is me getting mad easily. Me getting mad when he goes to the gym or goes and does band stuff and doesn't tell me. So I sit in my house all night wondering "Hmmm what the fuck is he doing?" Then he responds hours later and I'm already half asleep, and then I get really pissed. I get pissed easily. It's some kind of problem I have. It's something I can't control. It's a flaw of mine, and last I checked, people who are "in love" can get past that shit. So next thing is "we're opposites." Really, are we though? And even if we were, opposites attract, correct? That's beside the point cause we have a shit load in common. If we didn't I'm pretty sure we would of been bored with each other ages ago. Next thing, "it's not you, it's me." God, what a great phrase, that people love to hear. Just kidding, it's totally fucking annoying, and is such a cliche. You don't even need to directly say it to know that's what the person means. He claims he's "a horrible fucking person." No, you're simply not horrible, you just have your flaws. We all fucking do. I don't deserve better cause you make mistakes. It's called life. We all make mistakes. Just like the whole point of this break up is a mistake I made. All cause I threw the F bomb out there and insulted him with a word that's really not at all offensive.
So, yeah, I'm depressed as shit. I've been saying crazy shit, I've been acting crazy. I'm surprised I haven't completely lost my mind yet. I'm on the verge of it. It's pretty fucking sad, actually. It's sad how two years of greatness is thrown away all over bullshit. TOTAL AND COMPLETE FUCKING BULLSHIT. Oh wait, did I mention...he proposed to me back in December of 2011? Yep, I have the ring. Been waiting to get it sized. But he gave me a ring and made me a promise. "I won't ever leave you." Yeah. What happened to that? So now tomorrow, I get to go to a show that he's at, and watch this band we always see together and cry the whole time. Oh not to mention, I'm gonna be alone! I have a lot of other bullshit going on, but this really puts the cherry on top of the sundae. You'd think for fucking two seconds of his life he would overlook a stupid insult out of anger and fucking just be with me. To me, he never loved me. What sucks is, I loved him, and still do. Am I gonna get over this? Hell fucking no. I was supposed to move with him to Florida. Now I want nothing to do with that idea. I don't even want to go to prom. Yes, I said it. I'm not going to prom. A lot of future plans are fucked up now. A lot of things are fucked up.
So now I'll sit here for days wallowing in my sorrow, being a fucking depressed piece of shit. Telling myself over and over again that it's my own fault and that I knew it was gonna happen, cause it always does. No one wants to be with a psychopath. So I guess being alone forever is the way life's gonna be. Yeah, sounds great.
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