I'm just trying to find my way out of this labyrinth.

I read a really good book this week, it's called "Looking for Alaska." It's not just another teenage sob story to me. This book means a great deal to me because it gave me a bunch of new ways to look at life that I wish I could've thought of on my own. It definitely is the most inspirational book I've ever come across in my life. I don't believe anything could top it. The main story line is about a boy named Miles who moves from Florida to a boarding school in Alabama. He is searching for "The Great Perhaps." If you care enough, you will look up what it means on your own. The school is for very well educated individuals and is kinda split into two groups, the Weekday Warriors (rich kids) and the regular people (non-wealthy). His roommate is a regular kid. They all have nicknames for each other. So, their group of friends has a girl named Alaska in it. Miles who is nicknamed, "Pudge" (ironically because he is very thin), falls in love with Alaska. She has a boyfriend. She tells Pudge she is trying to find her way out of the labyrinth. If you also care to know what that is, just look it up, you lazy people. Anyway, the regulars are known for pranks and being odd. They don't really get along with the Weekday Warriors. They're always smoking cigarettes and drinking weird alcohol. Well, one night, Alaska dies. It takes awhile for them to find out why. They actually don't really find out why, but Pudge thinks he does. She found her way out of the labyrinth. There's a lot more to it then all of this, but this quote is said at the very end of the book.....


When adults say, "Teenagers think they are invincible" with that sly, stupid smile on their faces, they don't know how right they are. We need never be hopeless, because we can never be irreparably broken. We think that we are invincible because we are. We cannot be born, and we cannot die. Like all energy, we can only change shapes and sizes and manifestations. They forget that when they get old. They get scared of losing and failing. But that part of us greater than the sum of our parts cannot begin and cannot end, and so it cannot fail.”


I think everything about this quote is perfect. It's true. It's true and vulgar, and it's right. I don't really want to say life is a labyrinth. It's not, because then that would mean I'm trying to find a way to die, but I'm not. I'm gonna say the labyrinth is all the depressed and shitty things that cross my path in life. I want to find my way out of them. Maybe I haven't really found my way out of them completely. Maybe one day I will stop having shitty problems, but probably not. I'm not trying to die. I don't think people really want to die. They just convince themselves they want to. There has to be at least one good thing about someone's life that makes it worth living. It can be a person, a sport, a hobby, music, art, anything that inspires someone. Something that makes a person happy. Maybe it makes the person sad and happy, but it's so in love with whatever it may be that it could never truly make them deeply upset. The person could never part with it. It has a true soul meaning to them that no one but their own self could understand. I think I've realized a few of the things today that help me out of this labyrinth.

It's so cliche to say love is something that means so much to a person and all this sappy shit. But it really does mean something to some people. I know it means a lot to me. You know when you have found that perfect person. No matter how much shit you could put each other through day in, and day out, at the end of the day, you will never ever stop loving them. Love is such a powerful word, and knowing the person I am nowadays, I don't believe I would use it if it weren't true. I am in love. He's perfect to me. That doesn't mean he's "perfect". He has flaws, so do I. I don't think he would be a human if he didn't make mistakes, in other words I would be dating an alien. But that is not the case. Since the day I met him, something was always there. Weather we were together, or distant, I always felt something. He is always on my mind. He could push me so far away and forget about me, but I would never forget him, ever. His feelings can be different, and I will still feel the same. If I couldn't be with him, he'd always own that one part in my heart that no one could ever replace. It's marked his for life. Even if in the end, we aren't together, it will always be his. I've hurt him many times. I've put him through hell. Being with me is probably hell sometimes, but I try to be the best I can be. I can't control myself as a person. I was created this way for a reason. I don't know who really created me, and how we are given these personalities and what not, but I was obviously born this way for a reason. I was born to please anyone. I was born to exist and live. I was born to feel and be free and do things that make me happy and make choices that make me sad. I was born to fall in love. It is all a part of being a person. So what if I'm young, love is love. You can't change the feelings unless you have a real good reason. I know after all this time if I was gonna feel any different about him then I would by now. I would do anything for him in a heartbeat. If he needed me right this second, I would be right there. He has made me feel whole. He keeps me together, even though sometimes he tears me apart, but I forgive him for all of that because sometimes I may have deserved it. I don't know what's going to happen in the future, but I promise, I will never stop loving him.

“Thomas Edison's last words were 'It's very beautiful over there'. I don't know where there is, but I believe it's somewhere, and I hope it's beautiful.”
It is beautiful. And this love, and some other additional things have made it beautiful. I've come to the conclusion that I can't be sad anymore because life is beautiful and there is a lot more for me to see and live through. So I'll sit here and enjoy everything as much as possible.

Bubble gum

Did anyone ever notice when they chew a piece of gum for the first few seconds it tastes like a bunch of stuff that attracts you? It's like Amortentia love potion that Hermione names in Slughorn's classroom. If you don't watch Harry Potter you probably have no clue what I'm talking about. Anyways, whenever I put a piece of gum in my mouth it taste like vanilla, coffee, and Irish potatoes. I enjoy all those things alot so I guess it makes sense. I wonder why that happens and if I'm the only person it happens to? Maybe I'm imagining it, but I'm okay with it.